My Fault
by Stranger Kind of Dream
Summary: Fitz doesn't take losing a game of Jenga very lightly. Simmons knows there's something more to his behaviour and goes to talk with him. They end up having a bit of a heart to heart. Team fun and Fitzsimmons fluff. This idea turned out a little more serious than originally planned. Let me know what you think!
1. Metaphor

For once, it was actually silent on the Bus. Having landed in a classified location, the team had some downtime as they awaited orders for their next mission. Whilst Coulson and May were engaged in another of their infamous 'conversations', the remaining agents (and Skye) were assembled in the living area.

Skye sighed, flopping back against the sofa. "This is sooo boring," she complained, breaking the ominous silence.

"Shh," Ward commanded. It was his turn to remove a piece from the precarious tower of Jenga blocks – as it had been for the last three minutes. Three minutes and forty-seven seconds if you had been counting, which Skye had.

"Just face it Ward," Fitz said, looking smug as he grabbed a handful of popcorn, "You're never gunna beat me." It was most likely true. Saying that the tower was likely to collapse was indeed an understatement, for the engineer had managed to remove two of the three blocks from the bottom row without yet bringing it down.

"Don't…be so… sure," Ward replied slowly, removing a piece from the middle with such care, anyone would think he was diffusing a nuclear bomb. His pained expression cleared as the tower remained upright, and he fixed Fitz with a steely, if somewhat triumphant, stare.

"Hmm," Simmons grimaced. Many years of experience had taught her that she had no chance against Fitz, but she was hoping she might get the upper hand on Ward; however that was looking less and less likely. The game was literally hanging in the balance, but her keen eyes spotted a block that could be removed with minimal consequences, and she swiftly did so.

"Aha… there!" She said proudly, grinning as Ward's poker face faltered. For the majority of the game, he had managed to keep up a casual façade, but the frown on his features told everyone just how badly he wanted to win… or just not lose.

"Game too intense for you Mr Action Man?" Skye teased, not being able to stop herself. She had lost out on her first try, and subsequently decided to watch the rest of the team play rather than bring the tower down every five minutes. She found it much more entertaining anyway, winding up her SO as he tried to strategize his way around Fitzsimmons.

"This isn't intense," Ward countered, shooting her an annoyed glance, "I'm biding my time."

A laugh escaped Simmons before she could stop it.

"What?" Ward questioned, looking more than slightly offended at her outburst.

"Oh be realistic Ward," she smirked, "you've got about as much of a tactical advantage as I have; we're never going to beat Fitz… I can't actually recall him ever losing a game."

"First time for everything," he shot back, eyes fixed on Fitz, determined to work out his tactics.

"I detect a hint of bitterness," Skye teased, causing Ward to roll his eyes.

Fitz leaned forwards, smiling smugly as he began to remove another piece.

"Well, you see Ward, one of the first things you learn as an engineer is-" Fitz's words were abruptly cut off as suddenly the tower came crashing down without warning.

The gang sat frozen, the only sound to be heard was that of the wooden blocks as they clattered to the floor.

"What. The. Hell?!" Fitz enunciated each word, his hand still hovering where it had been.

Skye sat up sharply, beginning to giggle. "No way," she covered her mouth, staring at Fitz, "You didn't just-"

"Who bumped the table?" He asked slowly. Simmons fixed him with a nervous glance, knowing he was only seconds from an explosion, since he so hated to lose.

"I didn't-" Skye started, pointing at Ward.

"No it wasn't me," he argued, holding his hands up.

"It must've been one of you," he insisted, his voice steady but with an undertone that almost sounded threatening. Simmons remained silent, knowing there was no way to make this better at the moment and it would be better to just let Fitz have his little rant. "I am an engineer, I know how these things work, so don't tell me I knocked down that tower, because I-"

"Maybe your hands shook," Ward chipped in, trying to calm the situation but inadvertently making it worse.

"Of course they bloody didn't!" He shouted, standing up.

"Oh relax Fitz it's only a game," Skye said, trying to placate him, "So you lost? So what?"

"Yeah, it doesn't matter," Ward added, raising his eyebrows at Skye.

"Yeah well, you would say that, wouldn't you _Agent_ Ward," Fitz retorted, becoming more outraged by the second, "if it doesn't matter to you then it doesn't matter at all. I never get to win, do I?"

"Woah, hey," Ward stood up, moving towards Fitz with a look of concern on his face, "come on Fitz don't be a spoil-sport." He tried to place his hand of Fitz's shoulder, but the scientist brushed it away sharply.

"No, fine, you win." He said shortly, pushing past him, "As always," he added under his breath.

"No Fitz, don't-"Simmons started, instinctively moving closer to him.

"Just leave it Jemma," he muttered, looking anywhere but at the three anxious faces in front of him. "It's always my fault." The last part was barely a whisper, more to himself than the others, but of course they all heard. His words hung in the air, footsteps being the only remaining sound as he stormed out.

The three stood in silence for a minute, trying to absorb the quick turn of events.

"What was all that about?" Ward finally asked, looking to Simmons.

She shook her head slightly, looking down. She was just as confused as the rest of them, but she knew Fitz, and it didn't take a huge guess to work out what thoughts might've been behind his actions. He only ever stormed off like that when he was mad - really mad - but recently it was happening more and more. Something was eating away at him.

Skye stood up. "Maybe we should go-"

"Oh, no, trust me it's better to let him cool off for a bit," Simmons cut in hastily, "he's never been much of a gracious loser," she chuckled, trying desperately to lighten the mood. "How about we clean this mess up?" she suggested, picking up a few of the wooden blocks that now lay strewn across the floor.

* * *

So, will Simmons find out what's up with Fitz? What do you guys think? Reviews are always very much appreciated! x


	2. Guilt

**Thanks to all the lovely people who took time to review this, I love you all! Sorry I took so long to get this chapter up and running, but as you can see, I kind of got carried away…**

* * *

Simmons found him in the lab, of course, taking a drill to some unfortunate device. She came closer, seeing that it was his old radio he was dismantling. It had broken a few days ago, and he had been determined to repair it. Ever since the academy they had kept it on pretty much permanently when working, so it held many memories for them. At the moment though, it seemed highly likely that Fitz was going to destroy it completely. Simmons couldn't bear to see him do such a thing out of rash actions, not to something that was so very dear to the pair of them.

"Fitz?" she ventured. He didn't acknowledge her, but then he didn't seem to notice that she had actually entered the lab. His brow was still creased in both concentration and anger, and he was muttering under his breath.

Simmons made her way to his side, placing her hand gently on his shoulder. He jumped, nearly dropping the drill, but managing to turn it off before causing any harm.

"Bloody hell Simmons!" He exclaimed, fixing her with an irritated look, "You scared the life outta me, what are you doing?"

"Sorry," she said gently, her hand still on his shoulder, "I couldn't exactly warn you, I just wanted to check you were okay,"

"I'm fine," he answered immediately, continuing to dismantle the device in his hands.

It was one of the rare moments where he didn't feel like talking. That in itself, he knew, was enough of a giveaway that he was not alright. She wasn't used to quiet; in fact they rarely worked in silence unless they had fallen out, and even then it was short-lived.

He didn't want to make small talk though; he just wanted to be alone with his thoughts. Seeing Simmons brought it all back. The guilt, the fear and the feeling of being utterly useless. Helplessness was something he was experiencing more and more, and he didn't like it one bit. Of course this was all a bit of an overreaction about losing a game of Jenga, but he saw the situation as a perfect metaphor for… well everything. He had been gloating, not paying attention, and he had brought it all crashing down.

All these thoughts had been building in his mind for a while now and small trigger like that was enough to bring everything hurtling to the forefront of his mind. This time he couldn't help but let his anger out. It wasn't the team's fault, they had just confirmed what he already knew; he was weak.

He wanted to tell Simmons to leave him alone, but he knew she never would.

She hadn't moved, and he glanced up to see her staring at him, eyebrows creased in concern. He knew that look. How could she be worried about him?

"You're going to break it if you carry on like that," she tried, gesturing at the radio. He didn't respond, since the only thoughts he could form were twisted and bitter. She didn't know how true her words were.

"Fitz," Simmons pressed, moving her hand down to still his. He stopped, sighing, letting her take the drill from him. He ran a hand through his curly hair, making it look wilder than ever. "Tell me what's wrong."

Simmons knew she was pushing him for an answer he didn't want to give, but she had to at least try and help him. Sure, he always was a big baby over losing, but this outburst was just a little too out of character. He was hiding something from her, but she clearly saw the pain in his features. "Obviously it's not just today, something's been bugging you, hasn't it?" She queried, her voice laced with worry.

His eyes finally met hers, blue and swimming and drenched with remorse. _Did I pay that much attention to you_? He asked himself. _Not for the last few weeks, not as much as I should've done._ He stayed silent, clenching his fists. _How could I be so stupid? So careless?_ He had never thought about it before, but then again she had never really needed protecting before. She had always been capable – more than capable – but that was in her own field. Everything had changed recently.

Jemma couldn't understand the lack of response from her lab partner, but decided it was best to leave him to his own devices. He would cool off eventually and maybe then he would talk to her. "Well," she moved to leave him, "Just… don't beat yourself up over nothing Fitz." Like Ward had said, certain feelings take over if you dwell on them, and she didn't want that to happen to Fitz. "Whatever it is, I'm here for you… if you need," she added seriously.

"Only just," he muttered before he could stop himself.

"What?" She asked, hoping she had misheard him.

"You nearly died Jemma!" He shouted, making her jump. He had tried to hold it back, but that fact had been eating away at him for weeks, and maybe it still hadn't really hit her yet, but he just had to get it out. As soon as he said it, he regretted it, but it was too late. Suddenly the words came tumbling out, everything he had been holding back since _that day_, it all came out at once. There was no structure or reason to his words; it was merely the tirade of a damaged man.

"Ward was right," he finished, "I'm never gunna be able to help anyone. Everything just keeps going wrong!" His voice rose again as he launched a piece of metal across the room. Jemma flinched as it crashed to the ground, feeling a flicker of panic. Sure Fitz had a bit of a temper – she was used to it - but he never got violent, never got into such a state of rage – well not that she'd ever seen.

"You could've died Jemma," his voice shook, now little more than a broken whisper, "and… it would've been my fault,"

Tears filled her eyes as she looked at him. It took all her energy to keep her emotions about that event locked up day after day, because she had to stay strong. For him. She would never forget the way he had looked before she fell, the way he had screamed her name, but she had hoped that he would be able to move past it.

"Your fault? How was it your fault?" She asked, trying to keep her voice steady.

"It just is," he replied sullenly, watching his knuckles turn white as he gripped the edge of the desk.

"Now you listen to me," she started sternly, placing a hand on his arm. She took a deep breath, forcing the words out, trying to be firm with him. She couldn't stand to see him in such a state. "I decided to jump," she flinched internally at both her words and Fitz's reaction, but carried on regardless. She was determined to stay strong for the both of them. "I did it to spare the team, and to save you. Ward is here to do the special-ops stuff, and that's fine, but without you, there would've been no point in him going after me. You helped me to create the antiserum, you kept me going. _Nothing_ about that day was your fault."

He stood there quietly, taking her argument on board, but the nagging guilt he could feel was still as real as ever.

"It's not just that Jemma, it's everything. I should've been paying attention so you didn't get infected in the first place, and Ward isn't always going to be around to save us… I can't protect you," his eyes glistened with tears he could barely hold back.

"Leo," she said gently, "I'm not counting on you to protect me. This is a pretty dangerous job, you know that, and we won't get anything done if we spend our time thinking about 'what ifs'. It's not your job to save me," she insisted.

He nodded, not meeting her eyes.

"Look," she said, sighing, "We're part of a larger team now, and we all bring different skills to the table. Do you think the rest of the team would be able to handle any missions without our scientific knowledge?"

"No, I know, but if Ward hadn't been there-"

"But he was." She said firmly, "And we'll be there for him, and everyone else on our team."

"You heard what he said though, after he touched that Asgardian staff," Fitz continued, "that's what he really thinks of me… and after what happened with Donny-"

"Fitz, stop. You can't blame yourself for all these things. You are brave. Everyone makes mistakes - Coulson has had to make so many hard calls… we all know May has secrets, and Ward and Skye both have their histories too." Fitz glanced upwards as she took a deep breath. "I couldn't save Seth either," she murmured. Only Fitz could've noticed the tiny crack in her voice, and he moved reflexively towards her.

"The thing is… there's always going to be things we regret…" she continued slowly, a small frown playing on her face, "but that shouldn't taint the things that we don't."

He nodded in assent. What she said made sense; he just had to be strong. Strong in a different way, just like she was.

"Fitz," Simmons added, waiting until he raised his eyes to hers, "I meant what I said before,"

"About what?" he asked, brow furrowing in confusion.

"You _are_ a hero," she said, nudging his shoulder with her own, "my hero."

He looked at his lab partner. Loose curls framed her face and although a slight smiled graced her lips; it didn't quite reach her eyes. Her hands tugged at a loose thread from her blouse, further revealing how anxious she was. He smiled down at her, happy to see her face lighten in response and the relief that coloured her features.

"Erm, well, I suppose it's getting late," she said awkwardly, beginning to move towards the doors, "you are going to come back upstairs soon, aren't you?" She asked, as that troubled frown reappeared.

"Yeah, I'll be right behind you," he confirmed, attempting to ease her mind, "just want to clear up this mess first," he added with a reassuring smile.

She nodded, hesitating before making to leave. She wanted to do more, to stay and comfort him, to fully express how undeniably important he was to her, and how, in her eyes, he could never be anything less than brilliant. Alas, those were truly all the things she could never ever say. Not to her Fitz. Not now.

She turned abruptly, telling herself she must follow her brain - she was a scientist after all.

"Simmons?" Fitz called, stopping her just as she reached the lab doors.

"Yeah?" She asked, turning back towards him.

He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, but his face suddenly cleared as he quickly crossed the room to her. He said nothing, only pulled her to him, holding her to his chest. She reciprocated instantly, her arms wrapping around his neck before she could even question it. It just felt natural. They didn't hug often, but this time they needed it. He held her gently but tightly, burying his face in her hair, breathing in her scent. They didn't speak – didn't want or need to – because some things are better left unsaid.

She sighed, drawing herself closer to his warmth, content with the feeling of being safe in his arms – being home.

"Thank you Jemma," he whispered earnestly, reluctantly releasing her.

"No problem," she beamed up at him, happy that he seemed to be cheering up. "You know, maybe we could get Ward to give us a few training sessions or something? Just the basics, but it's better than nothing…"

Fitz nodded seriously at her suggestion. Being able to defend his team, or at least seeing Jemma be able to somewhat defend herself would certainly make him feel better. "Well," she added wryly, "that is if he'll ever talk to you again after your little tantrum," she teased.

"Shut up," he chuckled, elbowing her. "By the way, erm, I'm sorry I lost it before… I didn't mean to shout at you," he hung his head, ashamed. Simmons couldn't help but grin at him. She reached up and placed a kiss on his cheek, before slipping her hand into his.

"It's okay Fitz, we all have rough days," she said, squeezing his hand sympathetically. "Ward and Skye are probably still waiting for an apology though," she added in a stern voice.

"Probably," Fitz agreed, grimacing. He didn't do well with emotional expressions – except maybe with Jemma, but even then it could be rather awkward. However he acknowledged that he had been rude to them both, albeit unintentionally.

"Better get it over with," he conceded, moving to follow Simmons from the lab, his hand still in hers.

"Don't worry, I won't let Ward be too hard on you," she joked, pulling him after her.

"Yeah, like you could stop him," he teased back.

"Well… we could just talk at him in scientific lingo… baffle him with our brilliance as it were," she mused, "that usually does the trick," she added, flashing him a playful grin.

"I'll admit it doesn't take much," he said, smiling a little smugly, "And maybe afterwards we could watch a movie… y'know since game night's probably off now…" he added nonchalantly, trying to ignore the warmth spreading across his cheeks.

"Sounds perfect," she beamed at him, "now come on!"

* * *

**Too angsty? I'm thinking of putting a little epilogue in as an extra chapter, simply for fluff purposes. What dyu think? x**


	3. About Time

**An epilogue of sorts, since I just could NOT resist writing this, so I just sort of ran with it.**

* * *

"Well that was fun," Fitz let out a long yawn, stretching his stiff limbs.

For the last hour or so he had remained completely still, since Simmons had shifted down to lay her head on his chest. They had begun in a much more upright position, with Ward and Skye both wedged into the sofa beside them. However it seemed that the chosen film could not hold the interests of either of them for very long, and so Fitzsimmons had been free to adopt a more casual position. They were now both somewhat sprawled across the sofa, Simmons' head in his lap.

"Ohh I love that movie so much," Simmons enthused, turning over to face him as the credits of The King's Speech began to roll.

"I know, it is pretty great," he said, genuinely enthusiastic, although he grimaced as he shifted, his back clicking.

"Sorry, I'll move," Simmons said immediately, beginning to get up.

"No, it's err… it's nice, I mean, its fine, I don't mind," his cheeks flushed slightly as he tripped over his words. She smiled, settling back down when he placed a hand on her arm, letting her know it was okay to stay.

"It's a shame the others didn't want to watch with us," she mused, frowning slightly, "I don't know how anyone can only watch half a film,"

"Yeah well it's their loss," Fitz said dismissively. He agreed completely with his lab partner; however he couldn't deny that he was grateful for the others' absence. He enjoyed having time alone with her, and it was such a rare occurrence these days.

"So what was your favourite part?" She queried, content to stay put for as long as possible.

"Erm… Helena Bonham Carter?" He grinned when Simmons smacked his chest. "Okay, okay erm well the ending has to be the best bit doesn't it?"

Simmons smiled. Picking this movie had been something of a tactical move on her part, hoping that Fitz might be able to identify with the character of King George VI. It seemed her plan had worked, and Fitz was none the wiser. She marvelled at how, for a genius, he could be so fantastically slow sometimes.

"Don't you think Simmons?" He prompted. "You're grinning like a loon Jemma, were you even listening to me?"

"Hmm? No of course, the ending is wonderful. The whole movie is actually."

"Yeah, the story's amazing," he paused, "inspiring really,"

"You think so?" she asked, looking up at him with wide eyes - overly innocent. She never had been much good at lying.

"Yeah," he said with a knowing smile. She reached her hand up, finding his fingers where they had been absentmindedly playing with her hair, and linked their hands together.

* * *

"You owe me ten bucks," Skye exclaimed triumphantly, skipping up to the holocom where Ward was standing.

"No way Rookie, I said hard proof," Ward countered, attempting to stay firm despite Skye's excitable state.

"They held hands!" Skye tried desperately, "They're holding hands right now!" She pointed at the screen, where it showed Fitzsimmons laying together, talking in soft voices, their hands still linked.

"Not good enough," Ward said shortly, trying his hardest not to grin at the young woman in front of him. Her personality really was infectious.

"Why not?!" She asked, "I am trying my hardest here and-"

"So was it you who bumped the table?" Ward cut in quickly.

"Well… Maybe…" Skye said evasively, not wanting Ward to dodge her point, "But that was only to get things moving," She was determined to win this bet. "You know what those two are like and anyway I said I could get them to-"

"Invalidated the bet. Sorry," Ward said smugly.

Skye's mouth dropped open. Oh no way was he getting out of it that easily, just because he knew he was gunna lose. Ward smirked at her incredulous face as she attempted to compose herself. "Just you wait," she said, more resolute than ever, "you won't be laughing when I prove you wrong,"

"I'm gunna be waiting a hell of a long time then," he countered, smiling self-righteously. However Ward's expression changed drastically as his eyes shifted to the screen behind Skye.

"Oh and, by the way," he started, moving deftly in the direction opposite to where the scientists in question currently were, hoping Skye would follow. "You're going to have to help me out with training Fitzsimmons. And by help, I _do not_ mean shouting ridiculous insults and throwing popcorn at us," he added severely.

"I am offended!" Skye exclaimed dramatically, "When would I _ever_ insult you, robot?" She teased, grinning as she followed him out.

Luckily for Ward, Skye did not turn around to see the events that were now unfolding onscreen.

* * *

Having decided it was late, Fitzsimmons had bidden each other goodnight, but just before moving, Fitz had reached down to kiss his Jemma on the forehead. At the same point however, she had begun to sit up, and their lips accidentally met. Maybe it was circumstance, or maybe it was just true feelings bleeding through, but suddenly all they wanted was each other, and any previous thoughts of how forbidden it may be were long gone.

It was the beginning of this that Ward had caught, but what he could never have guessed was how long it went on for. As soon as their lips met, Jemma reached up, knotting her hands in Fitz's hair, curving herself upwards to better get hold of him. Fitz, initially somewhat stunned, pulled himself together enough to realise what was happening, before throwing caution to the wind and allowing himself to melt into the kiss.

Before long, their breathing became ragged. He pulled back slightly, his ridiculously wide smile matching that of the one plastered on his lab partner's face.

"Well, erm…" he cleared his throat, unsure of what to say.

Simmons chuckled, sitting up and patting his knee. "Sorry," she said, although nothing about her expression suggested that she was.

"No, my mistake, I was just-"

"No mistake," she cut in. His worried eyes met hers, and instantly softened, realising that she was not at all mad; quite the opposite in fact. His arm found its way around her waist, pulling her into his side so he could place a kiss against her temple.

"Its getting late I guess," he said after a while, repeating their words from earlier.

"Yeah," she agreed reluctantly.

"Come on," he said, pulling her to her feet. "Let's get this cleaned up. Big day of training tomorrow," he added.

"Right," Simmons agreed, thinking about how much she was already regretting the suggestion as she helped him to straighten out the room.

"Thanks for this evening Jemma," he added when they'd finished, smiling almost shyly at her.

She couldn't resist pressing one more small kiss against his lips. "Goodnight Fitz," she said softly before leaving.

"'Night Jems," he whispered.

* * *

**I know it's not much, but this is just how I see their relationship developing. A kiss on the cheek turns into a kiss on the lips, and they slowly just become more comfortable and romantic around each other. Credit to ****bellapaige88****, who had the idea of Skye watching Fitzsimmons in training, and thanks to everyone who read/favourite/reviewed, you guys are the absolute best! xxx**


	4. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

So, a few people were wondering if I was gunna continue this fic. Since I only intended it to be a one shot, I'm leaving it at this, but I've just started a new story if you wanna check that out?

I love you all sooo so much for taking the time to read/review and just be generally awesome!

**You rock xxx**


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